The Chesu Journal

Shocking... just shocking...

Tue, 09 Dec 2008 23:47:06 GMT

I was helping my dad pull a cord out of the attic... I was standing outside, pulling the cord from a hole above me. The end of it, wider than the rest, got caught, so I gave it a little tug... it came free and whipped out at me. It barely missed my eye, grazing my cheek... it didn't do much damage, but as you know by now, it did give me a bit of a shock. My vision went a whitish blue, my jaw locked up, my skin tingled, and I had a strange taste in my mouth. I want to say that it was metallic, but that wasn't quite it.

I'm going to go lie down now...

Contestactular!

Tue, 28 Oct 2008 23:18:41 GMT

It's been well documented that I like contests. Naturally, I've entered a few since then.

The first was a contest on Kotaku, the prize for which was the XBox 360 game Tales of Vesperia. I don't have a 360, but not wanting the prize has never stopped me before, and I could always sell it or give it away. To win, entrants had to make the box art for an imaginary Tales game. Everyone had viking fever after I won the last contest, so I figured that may as well be where I started.

I wanted to go a step further than most people.. show the full cover, complete with the "why you should buy this game" blurb/features on the back. I also wanted to get it as close to the Tales of Symphonia cover as I could. I started by taking pictures of me looking like a viking... wearing a green shirt and tunic, holding an axe, some with a sword in the other hand, some with a huge mug.

After that, I started looking for the other parts I would need. Screenshots of Tales games, viking-ish things to replace Lloyd and Kratos on the Symphonia cover, and of course a game cover palette. The first thing I thought to look for was a picture of a viking longboat, preferably one with a dragon-head bow. I was unable to find anything satisfactory, until I thought to search for ceramics.

PERFECT! A little tinkering and I'd have a boat fit for a (vi)king. I gathered other images, and even managed to find the perfect ESRB content rating box on another Tales game cover, rating the game T for Alcohol Reference, Fantasy Violence, Language, Simulated Gambling, and Suggestive Themes. Sounds like a viking game to me! I wrote up a quick description and feature set, then started work on the front cover. My favorite part is the logo I made, which contains the symbol of Odin, three interlocking drinking horns. Finally, my entry was ready.

Unfortunately, after all my hard work, my entry wasn't a finalist. A lot of worse entries were, but then again, a lot of better entries (some really great ones, even) didn't make it either. I wasn't incredibly disappointed or anything, though, as I didn't really want the prize, and I had fun working on my entry.

The next contest was for all of the swag Brian Crecente had picked up at the Penny Arcade Expo.
The contest was to make something game-related out of pennies. I decided on the most obvious route- one penny equals one pixel. I was sure that I had both very tarnished and very shiny pennies, so I worked out some sprites with three tones; dark, light, and blank.

The third image is the process I developed as I described it to a friend who wanted to enter. I lined up the pennies with a level, placed a strip of tape on them, flipped it over and realigned any pennies that stuck out, then, set it aside to start on the next row. It worked fairly well, and turned out like this:

I made it to the finals, but yet again, I didn't win. The winner painted his pennies, which hadn't occurred to me, so I'm not too upset that they won. However, this contest had more than one winner... and the entry in third place contained DIMES. Yeah, booo. The contest was still fun, though, and I always enjoy a creative outlet.

The next contest wasn't so much a matter of skill as it was luck. Noodles and Rice, a food blog I frequent, is a member of the B5 Media group, which was holding a contest called Blogtoberfest. Basicaly, you just comment on the contest entry post, and you're entered in a drawing. I'd actually won a small contest on Noodles and Rice before, the prize for which was a tube of wasabi and a maccha Kitkat.

So, how did I do in the drawing with the sixty other entries? Well, the results were posted today, and I have other stories that happened before that, so you'll find out at the end of this entry.

The next contest Kotaku held was for an XBox 360 game called Fracture, which features deformable terrain. The contest was to make "something, anything" with dirt. I decided not to enter, because I honestly couldn't think of anything good... and I would be competing with this.

A few weeks later, another Kotaku contest started. Since it was nearing Halloween, they were having a costume contest, the prize for which was a replica of the helmet from the survival horror game Dead Space. Only eight of these helmets were made, so it's a pretty good prize. I threw on my tunic, picked up my sword, and snapped a quick picture.

Shortly after sending my entry, Brian Ashcraft, the guy who runs the contests at Kotaku, replied with "SO AWESOME". He said something similar about my Tales of Valhalla entry (I forget what exactly, but "awesome" and "rock it" were definitely in there), though, so it didn't reassure me as much as it would have otherwise. However, later that same day, this post turned up on the site. There's a good chance I'll be a finalist, but the contest is open for submissions until November first, and there have been some pretty good entries so far, so we'll see come the second.

Due to a lack of entries, the deadline for the Fracture contest had been pushed back over two weeks, from the tenth to the twenty-seventh. It seems that most people, like me, were uninspired and/or lazy. I decided that this was a sign from the contest gods... I needed to enter. I scoured my mind for two days, trying to think of something that would at least get a few votes. A nice piece of art like Heavy? No, too much work... A sculpture? No, I'm terrible at sculpting... A Wario mustache? No, it'd break too easily...

I eventually decided to make some dirt portals. I dug two holes in the sand, and carved out some shallow trenches around them. I mixed some of the dig sand with water and ceramic paint, then poured the colored goop into the trenches and buried two small shovels in the holes, resulting in the following picture.

I was confident the majority of people would recognize it if it became a finalist, but I wasn't hopeful in the vote department, as... well, it's not very good. However, as can be seen here, not only am I a finalist, but I have nearly twice as many votes as the second-most-voted entry, the Heavy! Totally unexpected, I'm almost definitely going to win this contest!

That brings us up to date on the contest front. As for the Noodles and Rice drawing, this was waiting for me in my inbox when I woke up this morning:

Hi Chesu

Congratulation! You are the lucky winner for the noodles and rice giveaway again. This one is out of my control so I need to send your postal address to the competition sponsor. Could you please give it to me again? I look forward to hearing from you as soon as possible so I can send your details off.

Thanks

Tom

I'm feeling pretty lucky right about now. :D

Chesu fails at gardening, part 247

Fri, 10 Oct 2008 04:05:51 GMT

Sometime before I woke up yesterday, my ears were no longer messed up, which is awesome. Then, bad things happened. Dad bought a bunch of mulch so we could re-mulch our flower beds and such, so I spent a few hours doing that. The bad part came when we tried to move the trailer of mulch to the other side of the house... Dad thought we would be able to push it uphill and onto the street if we had enough momentum and kept the leading end high... yeah, that didn't really work. While pushing it as fast as we could, the leading end dug into the ground, the trailer stopped... and I kept moving. My right hand, abdomen, and right thigh are covered in bruises.. -_-

We decided to go across the lawn to where the hill isn't as steep, and to the other side of the house from there... As we were pulling the trailer from the road to the north garden, I stepped on a cactus! It was the kind that have tiny, hair-like spines... so, that was fun. I really should have worn shoes. After removing the spines from my foot, I went out to re-mulch the bogenvias... which happen to have half-inch-long thorns. I didn't get stuck during that part, but a bit later we were setting the huge mess of rose vines Dad had cut down earlier (seen here) in the trailer, and.. Well, it was half-wrapped in a small tarp, and there was only a small flap of tarp I could hold onto on my end... My right arm got caught on the bogenvia, I lost my grip on the tarp, and my left hand was pinned between the interior of the trailer and the rose vines. I just never get a break when it comes to yard work... but on the bright side, there weren't any ants!

I've been having some really, REALLY unusual dreams lately... which is weird, because I don't normally remember dreams. My cousin Cody was in the one I had last night, as well as one I had last week. I remember both dreams surprisingly vividly, but I'd rather not have to explain all of the things necessary for it to make sense to someone else.

The summer stormy season is finally over... and now we're into the autumn stormy season! We lost power a few times today, and there was a ton of lightning. Lightning even struck a beacon tower thing within sight of our house! It stopped before driving class, and my drive was... pretty great. A major improvement. Not really a lot to say about that.. I think I only have two more classes, next Tuesday and the Tuesday after that. Then, I need to schedule a driving test... yikes.

GWAUGH!!

Sat, 04 Oct 2008 02:02:52 GMT

My ears... they hurt so bad... x_x

I don't know what's wrong with them... They both hurt and feel a little swollen on the inside, and the right one feels like there's some sort of obstruction in it. There isn't, though.. there's nothing unusual in there. My neck, jaw, and the areas all around my ears are aching. It feels kind of like there's a wet sponge in my ear as well.. it's driving me crazy!

Speaking of driving, I had my second drive yesterday.. it was a lot easier and more relaxed than the first one, and I handled turns much better.

Now if you'll excuse me, "I Was Bitten: Intense bites and their gory aftermath; the devastating effects of venom on the human body" is on.

Driving

Wed, 01 Oct 2008 18:21:10 GMT

I had my first (of six, I believe) driving classes on Monday. It was somehow different than I was expecting. Well, it wasn't really the class... we went to a residential area to practice turning and such, then around to more busy places, with more traffic and higher speed limits. No, I suppose what was different than what I was expecting was that... I could drive.. and fairly easily!

I wasn't particularly good at it, though... I seem to have trouble making right turns. The instructor kept saying that if there were a curb I would be hitting it, despite my turning exactly when he said to. I also had trouble backing up, but we only tried it twice, and I didn't really do anything wrong.

Most of my problems during the two hour drive were caused by the car. It's small, I'm tall... I was only able to see traffic lights by leaning forward. It won't be a problem from now on, though, as it turns out the base of the seat tilts in a way that I'll be able to recline enough to see everything I need to. Another problem was the rear view mirror... it's about twice the size of the standard issue, I guess to give drivers in training a wider view.. for some reason. Anyway, this thing was huge, and created a blind to the front-right of the car for me. I guess the instructor isn't used to students who have to look down to see the rear view mirror. Yet another problem was perspective... The instructor told me that when stopping behind another car, I must be able to see the other car's tires, and some pavement. He didn't specify how MUCH pavement, but I assumed an amount of pavement equal to how tall the tires look should be fine. I think that left five or six feet between us. The problem is, the instructor is a lot shorter than I am, so he kept freaking out. While I saw plenty of pavement, he probably didn't see any.

The instructor is an old guy named Len, probably in his sixties. He and his wife had been doing... something, before our appointment, so she was with us the entire time, just sitting in the back seat, hands folded in her lap, huge sunglasses covering any parts of her face she could be identified by. She didn't say anything or move for the entire two hour lesson.. I'm afraid some sort of Weekend at Bernie's thing may have been going on there. I wonder if she'll be there every time...

It also turns out that my original driving instructor in Idaho, Mr. Hillier, was an idiot. I mean, he was well-known (to the students) for napping during drives, but it seems that he was also just wrong. His policy for changing lanes was "mirror signal blind spot go".. Len says to signal first, because you don't know how long the rest of the procedure could take, and you want to make everyone else aware of what you're doing. Makes sense to me! Mr. Hillier also said to never cross your wrists while turning ("when you cross your wrists, you cross the line!"), but Len says that you have more control over the car when you do that.

I have another class tomorrow, so I'll update with how that went. Again, it should go better, as the seat can be adjusted (which wasn't brought to my attention until the lesson was over...)

In other news, I perfected my carrot soup recipe!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=erD8600zwTI

It's so good... @_@

Stuff what happened

Fri, 26 Sep 2008 00:12:57 GMT

So, last week was my sister Shae's best friend's birthday. As always, she wanted to make a cake, so did. Unfortunately, Shae happens to be terrible at cooking. I don't know what it is, she's just cartoonishly bad. This time, she somehow missed the part of the directions that said that one box of cake mix was enough for two pans, so filled each pan with one box's worth of cake batter. Yes, she messed up BOXED cake. The result?

She ended up paying me to make the cakes for her (whenever she doesn't want to do something, she pays me to do it for her), and with the money I bought NiGHTS: Journey of Dreams, the Wii sequel to NiGHTS Into Dreams, one of my favorite Dreamcast games. There are some new level types, but in general it's the same awesome gameplay.

After I uploaded the above video, I saw another "chocolate cake failure" type of thing in the related videos... Some kid from the UK making cake in a coffee cup, in the microwave, substituting ingredients, to humorous effect. He used a soup spoon instead of a proper measuring tablespoon (precise measurement is, of course, vital in baking), used brown sugar instead of sugar, used Ovaltine instead of cocoa powder, and used an uncertain amount of olive oil salad spray instead of vegetable oil. Also, yeah, he mixed it all together in a coffee cup and microwaved it. I decided to see how the recipe would have gone with proper baking procedures.

It was... okay. Not something I'd make again. Next time, I'll find a real cake recipe. Anyway, the next day was Heather's birthday (Shae's friend, remember?), so we all went down to Tampa to The Florida Aquarium. The section with the big sharks and such was closed off, but it was still cool... though, pretty much unchanged from our last visit three years ago.

While we were there, a "robotic" (remote-controller) garbage can promoting recycling showed up. Yeah, it was kind of weird.

So, that's pretty much all that's happened lately. I took on a new roll with ChaCha.. instead of answering questions, I now take them, make sure they fit a certain format, put them in the appropriate categories, and send them off to be answered. It's faster, easier, and more enjoyable.

Oh, and a new game store opened about two miles away, right next to our usual Chinese takeout place. I've befriended one of the co-owners of the place... apparently, whenever they start doing well enough to hire employees, I have a job. Huh.

Oh, and one last thing... I start driving school on Monday. o_o

Stuff

Mon, 22 Sep 2008 08:01:32 GMT

Yeah.. see, this is why I don't blog. I rarely feel like things are worth posting about. Even when they are... eh. Since I last posted, my grandfather died, my uncle got out of prison and came to live with us... a bunch of stuff. I got hurt a lot, of course... spilled boiling water on one hand, tried to pick up a large piece of iron I didn't realize was incredibly hot with the other, hit my head so hard that I had a headache for about twenty hours... but again, posting regularly just isn't my thing. Maybe I'll try posting things over the next few days.

Sites I frequent

Wed, 30 Jul 2008 15:10:55 GMT

Here are a few sites I frequent. Some are online games, some are interesting reading material, some are just internet time-wasters.

http://www2.kingdomofloathing.com/main.html
The Kingdom of Loathing is an browser-based online game that focuses heavily on humor and obscure (and not-so-obscure) references.

http://www.evilmadscientist.com/
Evil Mad Scientist Laboratories is... well, exactly what it sounds like.

http://frostfirezoo.com/
Funny/interesting pictures.

http://club.live.com/
Play word games, get tickets, get prizes! Whoo!

http://kotaku.com/
Kotaku is a gaming blog... mostly game industry news and such.

http://i-mockery.com/
I-Mockery is... well, it's hard to explain. The short version is, the writers just don't want to grow up.

http://www.damninteresting.com/
Quite possibly the most interesting site, EVER.

...Looking over my bookmarks, most of the rest of the sites I visit on a regular basis are too specialized to be of interest to... anybody. So, instead.. more quizzes!!

28

Created by OnePlusYou - Free Online Dating

Good to know if I happen to be at an elementary school when the zombie apocalypse comes...

Now, this is an interesting one. I answered with the equivalent of "yes/a little" A LOT.. like.. A LOT. At least eight times... so how did I do in The Dirty Mind Test?

Your result for The Dirty Mind Test...

The Pure of Mind
You scored 18% Dirtiness!

Compared to other takers
You scored 18% on Dirtiness, higher than 1% of your peers.

Judging by your score, your mind is not very dirty. You spend little, if any, time thinking about sexual things, and you don't make associations between sex and things that have nothing to do with sex. You probably get very easily offended at sexual innuendo. You'd make a lovely treat for someone who likes to corrupt the innocent. If you like your purity, stay away from movies rated higher than PG and don't associate with people who make jokes you don't understand.

..Wait... whaaat? I could have sworn that I scored higher (dirtier?) than that... Maybe the type of question, or particular questions, have more impact on the score than I thought? Maybe there were more questions than I realized? Huh... moving on, it's the Why Are You Single Test! Couldn't they have called it The "Why Are You Single?" Test, or The Why You Are Single Test? Oh well...

Your result for The Why Are You Single Test...

Male Best Friend
You scored 41 despair, 25 relationship potential, 75 feelings, and 100 patience

You're always there, you're nice, you're the shoulder to cry on, you get along just fine, why won't she/he date you? you're the "male best friend"

DragonflyBlade21: A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.

Well... That.. I guess that sounds like me? I recognize the bulk of that text, though... maybe from bash.org... Ooohh! The What SHOULD you look like Test! ...Will not be seen today, because I couldn't connect for an hour, and now the site won't load... boo. It's just as well, I suppose. I have kind of an unhealthy addiction to those things...

On the life side, not much has been happening lately. Papaw is in the hospital again.. this time he thinks he's close to dying, so has signed a DNR and refused mechanical life support other than oxygen. :/

You may be wondering about today's injury... I'm constantly at war with the ants. Even after putting down a new floor, they're still able to find their way into my room. They must constantly have scouts patrolling, because if I leave a food item sitting for more than a few minutes, it will attract ants. Last night was one such case... but I didn't notice until it was too late.

I was eating Chinese food, and took slightly too long between bites of my egg roll... so yeah, I got a mouth full of ant stings. It's not like the egg roll was completely covered in ants.. there were five or six. However, when you're being eaten, you'll sting whatever you can reach, as many times as you can. I didn't notice them on there because the sun had set, and I hadn't yet turned on my ceiling lights. So, that was a little adventure, I guess. I'm going to be doing yard work tomorrow, so I'll probably have an interesting new injury the next time you see me.

Ugh.. connection is failing again. Guess I'll post this in the morning...

The Dark Knight

Sat, 26 Jul 2008 06:35:24 GMT

Shae and I went to see The Dark Knight today. Anyone who knows me well enough can tell you that I'm a bit of a Batman fanboy... When Batman Begins was announced, I was interested. When the Tumbler (Batmobile Zero) was shown, I lost interest. When I heard Ra's al Ghul was in it, I was incredibly excited, blind with fanboy joy. When I actually saw it... well, it was one of those "why does nothing good come out of Hollywood anymore?" moments. Really, I wasn't impressed at all.

The Dark Knight? I had big expectations. I usually go into things with the lowest expectations I can muster, but I just couldn't help it. So, did it live up to expectations? ABSOLUTELY!!

Seriously, it was an incredible movie! It features the most human depiction of The Joker to date, and possibly because of this, the most insane. The way the story is presented is brilliant, and the story itself is something that just needed to be told. It's such a deep, character-driven story, with strong themes that I can't even begin to describe. If you already know who Harvey Dent is, you'll go into the movie with a bias against him, but as with his two-faced coin, that bias will disappear. You'll come to actually like Harvey, and hate what you know will happen to him. By the end of the movie, you'll legitimately be thinking, "why did it have to be like this?". The movie ends so well, too... certain points aside, it could easily lead into any Batman continuity, and fits BTAS especially well.

I'd have to say The Dark Knight is an improvement over Batman Begins in every feasible way. I can't think of a single point while watching during which I felt that it was anything but completely faithful, if not to a specific source than to what we all wanted. Seriously, they did everything right. I guess that somewhere in Hollywood, someone still knows how to make a great movie.

Oh, and they blew up the Tumbler.

On an unrelated front, someone at ZFGC did this:

Very sloppy work, they couldn't have spent more than a few minutes on it... I don't know why, but I find this fairly creepy... Oh, and another thing about The Dark Knight... when they were lowering the dead Batman impersonator from the building and The Joker's calling cards fell off of him... was one of them a Harley Quinn card?? Maybe it's just wishful thinking.. a cameo existing only in my mind.

More Internet Quiz Things!

Thu, 24 Jul 2008 07:26:52 GMT

I finally got around to posting my picture in the "Mug Shots" topic of a forum I belong to... and everyone went wild! Here are a few actual comments.

" D: HOLY !@#$% FACIAL HAIR *bows before you*

I'm only like a year younger than you and theres no chance in HELL my facial hair would grow in that long and thick o.o... Granted I do look pretty rugged and manly, but good god nothing like that D:!

*bows before your facial hair greatness* "

"Holy !@#$%! You look like you could be a !@#$% Viking and that's awesome!"

"The second pic made me think "gladiator" or "viking"... :0"

"You get my vote for ZFGC's Manliest Beard."

"Chesu...or shall I say...CHESUS, my lord and saviour.
Source, get off your throne. We have the manliest man on ZFGC."

"Beat me to it. Move aside Source! Chesu>You!"

"Whoah. Chesu = epic win!"

So, yeah, there are some beard fans. One of them made this:

The scary thing is, these guys all make games for fun, so it's possible one of them could actually make this...

I have a soft spot for online quizzes... always have. So, naturally, I'm going to do some more. I probably won't post the majority of them here, but the one I just did flattered me (it called me a genius!), so you can find it

Your result for The Commonly Confused Words Test...

English Genius

You scored 100% Beginner, 93% Intermediate, 87% Advanced, and 93% Expert!

You did so extremely well, even I can't find a word to describe your excellence! You have the uncommon intelligence necessary to understand things that most people don't. You have an extensive vocabulary, and you're not afraid to use it properly! Way to go!

Whoo! High praise from Caesar! Actually, this is kind of worrying me.. it was all then/than, who's/whose stuff. Easy! My score shouldn't be high, it should be average! Oh well... Hey, look! The Sexuality Spectrum Test! Some stranger on the internet will tell me if I'm gay! :D

Straight Preference

You scored 17 (-52 being completely gay, 0 being bisexual, and 52 being completely straight)

You are not exclusively heterosexual, but you prefer the opposite sex over the same sex. While you might be willing to fool around with the same sex to some extent, you would go all the way with the opposite sex. If you are sexually inexperienced, it is possible that this could change after you do some experimenting.

...Well then. I suppose that's.. accurate enough? I don't know... Moving on. "The Your Type of Girl Test", eh? Well, in theory there will be a picture of a girl I will find cute at the end, right?

The Girl Next Door

68% Sexy-Cute, 57% Dark-Light, 50% Artsy-Stylish

Cute, neither Dark nor Light, and neither Artsy nor Stylish. This sounds like a blah category, right? Oh, my, no. The Girl Next Door has been the subject of more dirty fantasies than you could possibly count. She's so sweet, and innocent, and infinitely corruptible. Every morning you glance out your window hoping she'll have forgotten to draw the blinds. You may feel bad about it, but you know you'll be doing it again tomorrow.

Wow... disturbing. Now, for "Could You Win The National Spelling Bee?"... I'm not sure how this is going to work, unless they've included audio files... also, it has to be multiple-choice, which makes it a lot easier than the real thing. Ohhh... they give the definition, and.. okay, i get it.. ^^; Only one hard one so far... Wait, what? There are only ten questions? Boo....

National Spelling Bee Champion

CONGRATULATIONS!
Wow! You got all answers correct, making you The National Spelling Bee Champion! Brilliant Job!!

...Well OF COURSE I did! Psoriasis? Antipyretic? Even insouciant isn't THAT hard to spell, come on! National Spelling Bee my butt... My browser is doing something weird, so it's about time I wrap this up and.. well, restart my computer.

Awake

Wed, 23 Jul 2008 06:24:46 GMT

So! I was awake for over thirty hours, and, unable to stay awake any longer, I fell asleep. If only I'd been able to stay awake for a few hours longer, I could have kept to my normal schedule and had a restful night. Now, it's one a.m., I'm awake, and I need to make myself tired. I happened across a "what type of humor do you have" online quiz... thought I would share the results.

the Wit

(52% dark, 23% spontaneous, 11% vulgar)
your humor style:
CLEAN | COMPLEX | DARK

You like things edgy, subtle, and smart. I guess that means you're probably an intellectual, but don't take that to mean pretentious. You realize 'dumb' can be witty--after all isn't that the Simpsons' philosophy?--but rudeness for its own sake, 'gross-out' humor and most other things found in a fraternity leave you totally flat.

I guess you just have a more cerebral approach than most. You have the perfect mindset for a joke writer or staff writer.

Your sense of humor takes the most thought to appreciate, but it's also the best, in my opinion.

You probably loved the Office. If you don't know what I'm talking about, check it out here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/theoffice/.

PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Jon Stewart - Woody Allen - Ricky Gervais

So, there's that. I'm still not tired enough, so I'm going to take a few more, and put them

...Ahem... seems.. seems most of these quizzes are... So, apparently this was a dating site and I didn't notice! Can't answer the first question of the "Are You Good In Bed" quiz, because.. well, just because. What else do we have.. "The Sexplorer In Bed Quiz"? Ahem...

... ::Cough::

The White Knight

30% Pure and 17% Control!

Compared to other takers
You scored 30 on Pure, higher than 95% of your peers.
You scored 17 on Control, higher than 84% of your peers.

You know what you like and don't like, and aren't afraid to go for it! By that I mean, force your partner to comply with your somewhat ordinary desires. You function best when the lights are on and the blindfolds off. As long as you're calling the shots all is well, assuming your partner is as un-kinky as you are.

So presumably I'm a control freak in sexual matters... who knew?

Your result for The Are You A Good Wingman Test...

The Iceman

Compared to other takers

You scored 5 on Wingmanship, higher than 36% of your peers.

You know your role and how to do it, but sometimes you are a bit off the mark. Many would be proud to have you as their wingman, though.

Um... yay? Oh wow, a Firefly/Serenity test... I watched almost the entire series just today! I've only seen the movie once when it was in theatres, though... Well, I scored 86%... not bad. Ooh! "The Which Lolcat Are You" Quiz!

"TheCheezburger cat

87% Affectionate, 53% Excitable, 60% Hungry

Sure, you deserve one. You helped popularized lolcats from a running gag to an online sensation. Now mainstream media writes asinine columns on this 'phenomenon', students write theses on the topic, programming languages adopt the grammar, and losers write tests about them on dating sites. Now take your cheezburger and never touch the internets again.

"The Tits, Ass, and Cuteness Test"

Well, for some reason I was expecting questions, not pictures of female body parts to be ranked... honestly, the thought didn't occur to me. So, yes. I'm looking at butts and chests in bikinis now. Seem to be answering C a lot. I'm still coming to terms with the fact that I find some features more attractive than others...

Okay! Time to find out.. uh.. actually, what is this test determining?

Your result for The Tits, Ass, and Cuteness Test...

Skinny and Cute

Raw score: 44% Big Breasts, 23% Big Ass, and 80% Cute!

Compared to other takers
You scored 44% on tit-size, higher than 43% of your peers.
You scored 23% on ass-size, higher than 5% of your peers.
You scored 80% on cuteness, higher than 94% of your peers.

Thanks for taking the T and A and C test! Based on your selections, the results are clear: you show an attraction to smaller breasts, smaller asses, and cuter composure than others who've taken the test.

Note that you scored low on both breast and ass size. This means you appreciate thinner, harder bodies. You are most likely to appreciate a super-model. Relatively, you are less attracted to round, soft, sloppy women.

My third variable, "cuteness" is a mostly objective measure of how innocent a given model looked. It's determined by a combination of a lot of factors: lack of dark eye makeup, facial expression, posture, etc. If you scored high on that variable, you are either really nice OR you're into deflowering teens. If you scored low, you are attracted to raunchier, sexier, women. In your case, your higher than average score suggests you appreciate a cuter, more innocent look. Kudos!

Well. That's... that. Okay, this will be the last one. Because I've been doing this for over two hours, and now I'm finally getting tired. So, what's my last quiz?

Your result for The Would You Have Been a Nazi Test...

The Foot Soldier

Achtung! You are 46% brainwashworthy, 18% antitolerant, and 43% blindly patriotic

Compared to other takers
You scored 46% on brainwashworthy, higher than 68% of your peers.
You scored 18% on antitolerant, higher than 16% of your peers.
You scored 43% on patriotic, higher than 65% of your peers.

You're not evil exactly, but you still would've joined the German army. Driven by STRONG patriotism and a willingness to do what your country asks, you would've thrown your moral reservations aside and stepped right up to the platz for the AXIS POWERS.

The sad fact is: while you're not self-centered, you are are an enthusiastic nationalist, malleable like so much half-dried glue, and ready to follow zee rules. Unfortunately, you're not cynical enough to tell when you're being manipulated. You probably have a violent itch that needs scratching anyhow, so why ask questions?

Conclusion: born and raised in Germany in the early 1930's, you would've supported the Nazis militarily while turning a blind eye to their 'civilian' programs.

Well, that's all for now. It's 2:24 a.m., and I need sleep.

Movie Meme

Sun, 20 Jul 2008 06:31:33 GMT

Hurt myself while doing yard work today.. I wore ear and eye protection, but naturally I didn't wear shoes. Of course. It wasn't ants this time, believe it or not, but another pebble flung at my right foot. This time it left a huge blood blister... Fortunately, it's no longer painful.

On the gym front... we haven't been going. All of Shae's time has been spent preparing for a conference in Chicago. So, not much to post about. Well, I have some interesting spriting stuff, but I'll do that later. In the meantime, here's a meme that Shae posted. It relates to movies.

1. What movie have you seen the most time in the theater? How many times?
Wow, off to a bad start. I really didn't think this movie meme thing through... because I can't think of a single movie that I've seen in theatres more than once.

2. What was the last movie you walked out of in the theater?
I'm pretty sure the last movie I walked out of was Revenge of the Sith.

3. What is the first movie you remember seeing in a theater?
Possibly TMNT2 or Jurassic Park. That's a pretty big gap between the two...

4. What is your favorite movie soundtrack?
Wow... yeah, this is NOT the meme for me. Uhh, Back to the Future? Yeah, I'm not really a movie soundtrack person...

5. Have you ever dressed up as a movie character for Halloween? If so, who?
Not that I can recall.

6. What was the first R-rated movie you ever saw? Were you allowed or did you sneak?
Child's Play 2. I remember I sat at the top of the stairs and watched it through the banisters... Even the beginning scene with the factory was (and still is! I'm a wimp) terrifying.

7. Star Wars (orig. trilogy) or Lord of the Rings?
Star Wars all the way. Seriously, I like the LotR books, but... three movies about a traditional-style fantasy series? That's seven hours of walking.

8. Pacino or DeNiro?
Pacino! 100%, a thousand times Pacino!!

9. Titanic...did it suck or was it great?
Know those movies that start with some event, you have no idea what's going on, then it says, "Three days earlier..."? Titanic is like that, but you know exactly what happened, why, how, and... well, ALL of the details. Except, they integrate a fictional story about a working-class stowaway trying to impress a high-class lady or something. Then the ship goes down and a Plank of Carneades situation happens, and Rose kills Jack to save herself. That's how I remember it happening, anyway.

10. What's your take on Cassavetes?
Which one? The dull actor, or his son, the dull director?

11. Favorite John Hughes character?
...Gotta be Ferris Bueller.

12. What movie gives you a boner (or makes you tingle)?
..Uhh... I like Ghostbusters?

13. What movie always makes you cry like the big puss you are?
Pretty much anything with something unfair. (Oddly enough, death isn't usually that unfair to me...)

14. What's the furthest you've ever gotten in a movie theater? (i.e, second base...)
I usually go to the movies with my little sister...

15. Speaking of sports metaphors, what's your favorite sports movie?
The Running Man is a sport, right?

16. (a) Favorite... teen movie?
..Does... does this meme have an ejector seat?

(b)...Quentin Tarantino movie?
Reservoir Dogs. Reservoir Dogs. Reservoir Dogs.

(c)...Bill Murray movie?
Groundhog Day. No, wait! Ghostbusters! Oh.. ohhh.... can I pick both?

(d)...romantic comedy?
...Kiki's Delivery Service?

(e)...gangster movie?
Goodfellas. The Godfather? Pah, with your Godfather! Oh, wait, does Scarface count?

(f)...horror movie?
Evil Dead 2

(g)...made for TV movie?
Um, no. Also, no. Oh, and... NO.

(h)...director?
Sam Raimi. Okay, so Spider-Man 3 wasn't great, but he's still a good director.

(i)...drug movie?
Pulp Fiction

17. What movie have you seen already but will never, ever, ever watch again?
Any The Land Before Time movie other than the original.

18. What movie are you embarrassed to really like?
Logan's Run. Shh, don't tell anybody.

19. What movie should be remade asap?
Tron.

There seems to be no question number twenty...

21. For the love of everything that's sacred, please someone stop (insert answer) from making another movie!
UWE BOLL

22. What movie do all your friends love but you think is whatevs?
I actually surround myself with like-minded people, so there really aren't any that I can think of.

23. What movie do you love but all your friends think is whatevs?
Probably Groundhog Day.

24. If you could hump/date/marry any movie character, who would it be?
That cute shy librarian girl from that one movie with the guy with the hair. (Yeah, I've got nothing.)

25. Best...movie....ever?
Back to the Future.

26. Book you wish would be made into a movie, and who would direct it?
Either On A Pale Horse, or Prostho Plus (adventures in alien dentistry!). Either way, directed by Spielberg.

Whoo! Finally done!

So this is luck

Sat, 12 Jul 2008 06:38:31 GMT

Anyone who knows me can tell you that I have a very special kind of luck. The other day I tripped and fell face-first into my cat's litter box. Luckily, it was less than ten minutes after I washed the box and changed the litter, and my cat hadn't used it yet. Of course, I also have the bad luck of constantly hurting myself somehow, like the day before yesterday when I stepped into an anthill barefoot, then when recoiling in pain stepped in another with my other foot. I do this fairly often. Offsetting that is how fast I heal.. and offsetting my bad luck is, believe it or not, my good luck!

My good luck usually manifests as me being in the right place at the right time, having just the right obscure skill/knowledge for a certain situation, or having a perfect idea. Here are a few recent examples.

Around this time last year, Kotaku was having a contest in which you had to paint your face to win a copy of the new Wii version of Scarface: The World is Yours. Eventually, I got the idea to paint my face like Manny Calavera from Grim Fandango, with paper teeth (held in place by my real teeth) completing the look. I made it to the finals (I was finalist 7), where it came down to a vote. It was incredibly close, but I managed to win one of the two copies that were up for grabs!

http://youtube.com/watch?v=nPA4xPJhPZ4

Shortly after, it was time for ZeldaBlog Puzzle Hunt 1: The Road to Ganon. ZeldaBlog had recently closed its doors, but The Missing Link, the guy behind the site, was still an active member of the Zelda fan community. I participated in the Puzzle Hunt, which was filled with insanely difficult puzzles, ranging from something as simple as knowing the names of a few Zelda dungeons to the challenge of discerning the hidden meaning of a circle with triangles in it. The final puzzle was kind of a scavenger hunt. You were given a clue, and you would type in guesses. Correct guesses were rewarded with the next clue, but you only had a certain number of guesses per day. I managed to finish in second place, but I was given a prize of my choosing anyway because of a technicality.

I forget what the clue was, but I was convinced that the answer was the cover of the fiftieth issue of Nintendo Power, as it had an owl and sword in it. I entered "fifty", the last wrong guess I could get that day... and it was wrong. The next day I tried "50", it was right, and I moved on. Right before the two guys working as a team that came in first and I solved the final puzzle, it occurred to The Missing Link that he hadn't logged "fifty" as a correct guess, and checked to see if anyone had tried it. I imagine he was horrified to find that such a small oversight had such a big impact on the contest, but it was too late- the tandem Australians finished the final puzzle, and I did the same a few minutes later. By way of apology, he offered me the same thing as first prize- a Gamecube or Wii game of my choosing, or a Wii Point Card. I chose Super Paper Mario.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=vDRFzxJztZA

A few months later, in October, Kotaku was running two more contests. They almost always do two or more at the same time. The first was to make paper airplanes in order to win a copy of Ace Combat 6. While my entry wasn't a finalist, it did get an honorable mention, and was used to promote the contest. Which, really, is all that should have been done with it- just look at those amazing finalists!

The second content was to wrap yourself into a toilet paper mummy in order to win a copy of Dementium: The Ward. Not only was my entry used to promote the contest, I was a finalist as well. I didn't win, but again, look at some of those finalists. The dress is hilarious, and the big toilet paper head is just awesome.

So, why am I bringing up all of this contest stuff now? Well, Kotaku recently had another contest, the results of which were announced today. Since Wimbledon just ended, and Top Spin 3 came out last month (on my birthday, in fact), Kotaku was giving away a copy of the game. In order to win, you had to put on your best tennis attire in what they called the Kotaku Open. You could either take a picture of yourself dressed for the courts, or photoshop your face onto a tennis player. I, of course, entered, and was pleased to find that I had made it into the finals. As the only entry that wasn't photoshopped, I was guaranteed to get a few votes, and I knew the fact that I was playing Wii Sports Tennis would get a few as well. My main weapon was my facial expression, which made it clear how dedicated I was to the virtual sport. What I hadn't anticipated was the response to my beard. Here are a few comments from people who voted for me:

"I vote for this. That truly is a magnificent beard and if there's on thing tennis needs it's more beards."

"Holy shit, is that Tim Harrington?"

"I vote for this. Mainly cause of the beard.... that beard is awesome :P"

"Vote. for sure. I can only hope my humble beard can come anywhere near this one day. Hats off to you sir. Wear that beard proudly."

"I vote for this. Cause he's the only REAL man in the group."

"I vote for 'Gief... What? That's not 'Gief? Hmm.."

Regarding that last one, this post was immediately before the contest voting, so quite a few people went in with Zangief on their minds. My closest competition was Trunks, the explosion guy, but in the end the beard proved to be mightier than the photoshop. I won! I actually won! There followed many more beard comments, comparisons to Tim Harrison, and people completely convinced that I was RawMeat Cowboy, the guy who runs the site GoNintendo. Here are some of my favorite comments:

"His face is beard!"

"There is no way I was beating this guy. He's like a white Kimbo Slice." (This is the guy with the frog hat entry)

"This picture basically wins the internet."

" "There are two kinds of people in this world that go around beardless -boys and women- and I am neither one." " (He was already quoting, so I'm quoting him quoting)

"Reminds me of this picture XD" (If any picture wins the internet, it's this one)

"Could we get this in 1024 by 768. I need this as a wallpaper."

"Wonder how his tennis grunts sounds like..."

"He doesn't grunt...he roars like a thousand vikings storming a beach! Look at that fearsome face. In fact he maybe calling upon our honored bearded gods for ale, meat, and fine women once he has won that match he is in."

Trunks, the explosion guy, was a little bitter about having lost to a beard, but eventually got over it and threw together this little beauty:

Yes, that's me as a Wii Tennis-playing viking. Yes, it is awesome.

Anyway, before too long my copy of Top Spin 3 (Wii version) should arrive in the mail, so I'll look forward to that. I'm probably going to put up a YouTube video of this experience, which I'll put up here when it's ready.

Here's to the future, and to luck- good and bad!

Update: Here's the YouTube video!

Zelda WIP

Sun, 29 Jun 2008 23:03:14 GMT

Whoo! No new injuries! In fact, just the opposite; today I decided that my knee was finally healed enough, and went for a swim for the first time in three weeks! It was really nice! Anyway, on to what I wanted to talk about today.

I like starting projects. I quite enjoy working on projects... and I absolutely love finishing projects. Unfortunately, that last one doesn't always happen. The majority of projects I start just don't make it. It's not because they're over-ambitious or that I get bored with them. Even if I lose steam, before too long I can easily become pumped-up about it again. No, the problem is that I just don't have the means to accomplish what it is I want to do. Yes, I know that that sounds the same as the project being over-ambitious, but bear with me.

When creating an animation set to music, it's not unrealistic to want there to be music, is it? So, naturally, you hire people who are more musically-inclined than you are. Even for things like indie projects where there's little to no budget, they find like-minded people who are able to help. Well, similarly, when making a game it's not unrealistic to want there to be levels, right? The problem here is that when it comes to level design, I'm not very creative. There are of course talented level designers out there, and people willing to help with your stupid little project, but... these two groups rarely overlap.

Being unable to get even a single useful person to help out can kind of take the wind out of your sails, but there is a way to get more people interested. I decided to give this a try while in the process of scrapping an old project that was going nowhere and recycling what I could into a new one. The key, I think, is to plan as much as possible. To do everything that you can possibly do, everything BUT the what you need from other people, in excruciating detail, before seeking help. Of course, this may just be investing even more time in a project that's going nowhere, but you have to try, right?

My most recent project of this type is a Zelda fan game. I worked on a Zelda fan game once before, and while a lot of people were interested in helping, I was never able to attract anyone with the experience required to do the job... as I shouldn't have, considering how much of a mess the concept and scenario were. This time around, if anyone has a question about the game, no matter what it is, I will be able to answer it. I want there to be so much information, people will look at me ludicrously and ask how much time I've spent working on it.

Since it's kind of long-ish, I've put the scenario I've written so far, as well as sprites, after the cut. Any information in [brackets], usually things like names, is not yet set in stone, and is just what I'm going with for the time being. Due to some revisions I've made, there's a gap is the middle, which I've filled in with a short summary of what happens there until I get around to writing it all out.

Forgotten Valley

The scene opens on [Mikan], a small jungle village full of houses made
from giant hollowed-out gourds and simple wooden huts. Link and his
friend, Dak, are awoken by Dola, a woman who serves as a mother
figure to the two of them. Dola tells them that she knows that she
can't stop them from visiting the graveyard, but that they should
at least be careful on the rickety old rope bridge spanning the
canyon that they'll have to cross to get there. Link and Dak both
nod, get out of bed, and run through the village gate to the east.

(Link and Dak by a conceptual gourd house)

Dola and Hanel, her husband, look on as they leave.
Hanel: I worry about that boy. He visits that grave almost every day...
Dola: Everyone has missed Yura, especially her son... but I wouldn't worry about him.
Hanel: Oh? Why's that?
Dola: He has that young man to look after him now.
Hanel: Ah! You're right, of course. They've been like brothers ever since that incident...

As Link and Dak are crossing the rope bridge over the canyon, one
of the ropes snaps, and they plummet to the jungle below. When Dak
regains consciousness, he finds himself at the edge of a river, with Link
still unconscious a few feet away. A short time later, they go off to
explore the new area of jungle, and before too long they find some
ancient, crumbling ruins, at the heart of which is a large chamber. In
the chamber is a pedestal with a sword stuck in it. When Dak tries to
pull the sword from its resting place, it breaks, releasing Ganon, who
had been sealed inside. Ganon mistakes Dak for the legendary hero who
sealed him in the sword, and grabs him by the throat. Link picks up the
broken Four Sword, but before he can do anything else Ganon turns him to
stone and vanishes with Dak.

Day turns to night, seasons pass, vines slowly creep up the crumbling walls.
The increased passage of time stops as a winged girl walks into the chamber
and begins examining the Link statue. After a few seconds she chants a spell
that turns him back to normal, much to her surprise. She introduces herself
as Kei, and tells Link that she is looking for her grandfather, who has gone
missing. The spell she used was created by her grandfather, a geomancer, and
normally causes stone statues to recount what they've seen. Since Link wasn't
actually a statue, the spell somehow un-stoned him. Kei is angry to learn that
Link was involved in Ganon's release, as he has ruled Hyrule since long before
she was born, and that she thinks he's related to her grandfather's disappearance.
She decides that since Link is looking for Ganon he may be useful, and says that
she'll follow him around looking for clues as to where her grandfather went. She
says that she'll be watching above, and flies up into the sky.

(You finally gain control of Link, with these in his inventory. In case you didn't realize it based on Ganon's actions, yes, the one in green was Dak)

Common Tunic
"This is a regular, run-of-the-mill tunic. It's comfortable,
if not very fashionable."

Broken Sword
"This sword once sealed the evil Ganon. Though it lacks a
tip, the blade is still sharp enough to be used. Equip it
and press SPACE to attack your enemies!"

As you gain control of Link, make your way through the jungle to the
graveyard, then into [Mikan] Village, which is completely empty. Exit
through the southern gate to the [Western Wood]. To the east is a
large broken statue, and to the south is a shimenawa (sacred rope),
both of which are blocking their respective paths.

Kei: This is some kind of sacred rope.. I think it means that the area
past here is of religious importance. Or, we're already in the closed
area, and that rope is to keep people out. Either way, we shouldn't
cross it.

To the west is the [Shrine of Ages], built into a mountainside and
surrounded with a tall wall. Within the wall are several buildings,
a bell tower, and the inner sanctum, which is inside the mountain.
Talking to the monks, you learn that the shrine is dedicated to the
protection of the Harp of Ages, which will allow its user to travel
through time. However, the High Priestess, who has the harp, has sealed
herself in the bell tower,and the only other key is in the inner sanctum.
None of the monks are willing to get it, though, as the inner sanctum
has been overcome with evil, which is why the priestess sealed herself
in the tower to begin with. Venturing into the sanctum, you find simple
puzzles,weak enemies, and eventually two minibosses- one which rewards
you with the [Cane of Eradi], and one which requires the [Cane of Eradi] to
defeat that gives you the Bell Tower Key and opens a portal to the surface.

[Cane of Eradi]
"A mystical cane used to lift heavy objects. Equip it
and press C to lift objects with blue orbs on them."

Climbing to the top of the bell tower, you find not the High Priestess, but
[Kokiru], a monstrous hermit crab living in the bells.

Boss - [Kokiru]
Huge hermit crab that lives in the belfry of the [Shrine of Ages].
It hides under one of three large bells, and the bells are mixed
up like a shell game. You use the [Cane of Eradi] to lift the correct
bell, then attack the exposed gem on [Kokiru]'s body. More bells
are added throughout the battle. If you overturn the wrong bell,
a colony of Keese will attack you.

After defeating [Kokiru], Nayru, the High Priestess, comes out of the
gem that had been on Kokiru, and explains that she had locked herself
in the tower in order to keep [Kokiru] from getting out. She goes on to
say that while her people have been guarding the Harp of Ages for...
ages, she doesn't actually have it, as it has been stolen by her childhood
friend and rival, the pirate Din. Kei volunteers the two of you to retrieve
it, and Nayru says that she'll have the shimenawa removed so that you can
go to Martha's Bay in the south, which is Din's base of operations.

(The map as it appears in the past. I know, it's not done yet. In the future, you can expect the rivers to be dried up, the grass dead, things destroyed, etc.)

In Martha's Bay, you're ambushed by the pirates, who take you to their
hideout and present you to their leader, Din, who will only talk to you if
you pass a test to prove your worth. The test consists of fighting, sneaking
past guards, and hitting targets. Impressed with your skills, Din will give
you the Initiates' Badge, and will listen to what you want.

Initiates' Badge
"This badge is a certificate that only those who pass the
Pirate's Exam are given. Equip it and press C to show it off."

When Din hears that you were sent by Nayru to get the Harp of Ages
back, she'll laugh and have you thrown out. Use the sneaking skills you
learned earlier to get back to Din's room and steal the harp. Din will
catch you, but will be so impressed that she will let you leave with it.

Harp of Ages
"Long guarded by Nayru's people, this magical instrument
allows its user to travel through time! Equip it and press C
to play the Song of Time."

Return to Nayru, and she'll explain that since the harp can't currently
be used at its full power, you'll have to use it within a specially-designed
room in the shrine to travel through time. Go to the room indicated by
Nayru and play the harp to go back to the past. When you leave the room,
you'll find carpenters in the process of building the shrine, with several
blocks that can be lifted with the [Cane of Eradi] sitting about. One of the
carpenters will mistake you for a monk, and give you the blueprints to the
time chamber, which they no longer need.

Shrine Blueprint
"This is a blueprint detailing how to make a Time Chamber.
Equip it and press C to show it off."

The shimenawa will be across the path to the south again, and the statue
will still block the path to the east, but it will now be in better condition,
with a blue orb embedded in it. If you move to go over there, though, Kei
will remind you that you may still be in time to stop Ganon. When you talk
to the people in [Mikan] Village, they'll be surprised that you're already
awake, as Dola just went to wake you up. Kei will tell you that you have to
find a way to keep Link and Dak from reaching the ruins. Go to the bridge,
and Kei will tell you to cut the ropes, so that the bridge will be unusable
before they even get there. Right as you begin slashing at the bridge,
however, Kei sees Link and Dak, and makes you hide in a bush. As they
cross the bridge, the rope you had been slashing snaps and the bridge
collapses, dropping them into the valley below.

Kei: I wonder if the rope wouldn't have snapped if you hadn't done that...
Link: (...)
Kei: What, you think Ganon being released is MY fault now?
Link: (sweatdrop)
Kei: Anyway, there may still be time! Let's go!
Link: (...)
Kei: Oh, right, the bridge. Well, I'll go, then. You go tell your friends what happened!

Return to the village and talk to Dola. She'll be shocked and worried,
of course, but just then Kei comes back.. with news that Dak has been
kidnapped by Ganon. Dola will recognize the name, and show you a book
containing the legend of Ganon, King of Darkness. Afterward, she'll give
you a gift that she had been helping Dak make, a tunic made from a design
he had found in his mother's belongings. Hanel gives you a wooden shield.

Dola: If anyone can bring Dak back, Link, it's you!
Hanel: Link, you know that it's dangerous to go alone. Take this.

Hero's Tunic
"Based on the legends of ancient heroes, this tunic was made
by your friend Dak as a gift before he was kidnapped."

Wooden Shield
"A simple shield that will burn if it comes in contact with
fire. Equip it and press C to block enemy attacks."

(Link is finally ready to set out on his adventure!)

As you enter the [Western Woods], you'll be accosted by Tingle, who is mapping the area. He's shocked that he managed to find two forest fairies, and gives you a map of the area. He then inflates his balloon, telling you to visit him if you're ever in Castle Town as he floats off. Use the [Cane of Eradi] to leave the [Western Woods] by moving the statue blocking the path to the east, and you'll enter... a place I haven't named yet. Make your way south to Castle Town, which is vibrant and full of life.

Hyrule Castle Town

Access to Hyrule Castle is denied, and Kei remarks that it doesn't seem as if Ganon has attacked yet. If you try to leave, Kei will say that she wants to explore more, as she's never seen a big city. The black smith's shop is closed, saying he's out on a job. Other locations in town include the residential district, the library, the school, the cafe, the bakery, the post office, the real estate broker, Tingle's shop, the game center, the inn, the doctor's office, and Beedle's item shop. Beedle has the following items for sale. I'm going to list both how Beedle markets them, and how they appear in your inventory.

Good Wood (out of stock)
"Oooohhh!! This is a good piece of wood! The sides are
metal, and it has a handle on the back!!"

Traditional Shield
"A large wooden shield with metal fittings, made in the
traditional fashion. Equip it and press C to block enemy
attacks."

Good Bottle (100 Rupees)
"Oooohhh!! This is a good bottle! It holds a lot, and
has a cork stopper for your convenience! Yes, yours!!"

Empty Bottle
"This is an empty glass bottle. Equip it and press C
to put something inside."

Pointy Thing (10 Rupees for bundle of 10, 30 for 30)
"Oooohhh!! These pointy things have metal heads, and
tail feathers! Very aerodynamic!!"
(without quiver)
"Oh? You don't have a pointy thing holder! You need one!!"

(There is no inventory entry for arrows)

Fun Ball (20 Rupees for bundle of 10, 60 for 30)
"Oooohhh!! These are great toys for children! Just keep
them away from fire! Boom!!"
(without bomb bag)
"Oh? You don't have a fun ball holder! You need one!!"

Bombs
"You need a license to use these dangerous explosives.
Equip them and press C to light one."

Good Thing (60 Rupees)
"Oooohhh!! This thing is good! Girls think its shape is
cute! Impress the girls!!"

"You got a Piece of Heart! Collect (#) more to increase
your life by one!"

You'll eventually find a big, empty plot of land in the north-east part of town, with Gorman standing in the middle of it. It's the brown patch shown on the map.

Gorman: "A MACHOP is growling while stomping the ground flat!" ...Ahem! Forget
you just heard that. Vocal exercises, you see.

Gorman fast-talks Link into buying the plot of land, then is enraged to learn that Link doesn't have enough Rupees. He gives Link his bill, and says to try getting a job at the temp agency. You can't actually tell how much you owe from the bill.

Gorman's Bill
"This is the bill for a plot of land you bought from
Gorman. It has ink spilled on all the important parts!"

At the temp agency, you can choose to work at several local businesses - Mama's Bakery, Tulma's Cafe, Beedle's Bargain Barrel, White Rabbit Courier Service, Castle Town Smithy, and Castle Town Library. At the moment, Castle Town Smithy is closed. Working the jobs takes the form of minigames. Once you've earned enough Rupees, Kei will suggest that you go back to Gorman, and when you do, she'll bargain and play hardball, eventually convincing him to let you pay the rest off later. Gorman will lament about the real estate market's decline being bad enough without having to make pricing plans, but gives you the Castle Town Land Deed and sulks back to his office.

Castle Town Land Deed
"This is the deed to a plot of land in a prime location
in Castle Town. Equip it and press C to show it off."

As you return to the center of town, the building team from the [Shrine of Ages] will enter town through the west gate. They thank Smithy for his time and ask if he'd like to join them at Tulma's Cafe. He'll say that he really must get back to work, and return to his shop. If you go to Tulma's, you'll find the carpenters celebrating, and they'll ignore you. If you try to leave town Kei will suggest that you have Smithy look at your broken sword, so do that. Smithy will remark on how old the sword is, and say that he isn't surprised that it got broken. He'll then notice that the sword has magical properties, and ask for it to be left with him to examine. He'll give you the Iron Sword as collateral.

Iron Sword
"This sword was forged by Smithy. It has a long reach,
but is a little unwieldy. Equip it and press SPACE to
attack your enemies!"

At this point you'll be able to leave through the east gate to Lon Lon Ranch, but you'll need to go through there later and nothing will have changed, so I'll cover it then. There are guards at the gate to the south that won't allow you to pass. Go to Tulma's Cafe and you'll find the atmosphere much more somber. Talking to the builders will reveal that they don't have any more jobs lined up, and that they don't know what to do. They'll tell you that if you find anything for them to do, to take it to their boss, Mutoh. If you show him the Shrine Blueprint first, he'll ask where they should build it. If you show him the Hyrule Castle Land Deed first, he'll ask what they should build there. Once you've shown him both, he'll agree to build the shrine.

Mutoh: Your monk buddies were EXTRA generous with the Rupees, and my lazy workers
didn't want to haul the leftover materials the rest of the way back to Kakariko anyway.

They'll immediately go and start work on the shrine. Kei suggests that you go exploring. In Lon Lon Ranch you'll find farmers tending crops, Anju trying to catch her cuccos, and Talon overseeing the cows. To the south, the gates to Kakariko are closed, and to the north, Malon is watering Epona in a river, next to a broken bridge.

Malon: I know it's a cliche, but it seems that one of the cows has broken the bridge! I guess
we'll have to wait for the Kakariko Building Company to get back from their job in the west...

Return fo Castle Town, and Mutoh will upgrade your Land Deed to a Shrine Deed, then leave with his builders.

Castle Town Shrine Deed
"This is the deed to the [Shrine of Ages] in Castle
Town. Equip it and press C to show it off."

The shrine is an perfect copy of the Time Chamber, so Kei suggests going back... to the future.

Kei: As fun as it's been playing around in the past, we haven't found any leads.
I think we should return to the present to look for clues... it's easier to look at
where someone HAS been than to try to predict where they WILL be.

Enter the shrine and use the Harp of Ages to travel to the future. Leaving the shrine, you'll find every other building destroyed or at least in some state of disrepair, and monsters all over the place. Through the west gate you'll encounter more monsters, thieves, and a cave containing a puzzle and a Piece of Heart. Through the east gate you'll find the Lon Lon Wastes, also full of monsters and unpleasantness. The bridge to the north is still broken, but you can get into the Kakariko Ruins to the south.

Kakariko Ruins

When you enter the ruins, you'll be challenged to a game of hide-and-seek with some Ghinis. To find them you'll have to move stones, destroy wooden beams and old furniture, and use the [Cane of Eradi] to lift certain objects. When you find a Ghini, it will attack you, and when you defeat it it will fly off whining. Once you've found them all, you'll be warped to the center of the ruins, where the Ghinis will combine into one big Ghini. Kei will come down to tell you that unless you're able to hit its eye, you'll have a lot of trouble winning the fight.

Mini-Boss - [Giant Ghini]
The giant Ghini will attack you either by licking, or by levitating crumbling
stonework and trying to crush you with it. It's vulnerable to sword attacks,
but that puts you in tongue range. When it tries to crush you with stones,
sometimes a piece with a blue orb in it will break off. Use the [Cane of Eradi]
to hit the giant Ghini in the eye with three of these to defeat it.

The giant Ghini will let out a chittering laugh and retreat into the crumbling remains of the windmill that once stood in the center of the town. A man will come out of hiding and ask if you've defeated all of the Ghinis, saying that he's been trying to rebuild Kakariko for a long time, but that the Ghinis have prevented it. Kei explains that the big Ghini hid in the windmill, and the man says that it probably went down into the underground storage area, which had originally been a temple. He goes on to say that an brave old man had gone in to eradicate the Ghinis, but that he hadn't been seen since. Kei thinks that the old man might be her grandfather, so decides that you'll be going in.

(The dungeon is filled with Ghinis, Stalfos, Armos statues that get possessed by Ghinis, and Tektites.You evenually fight a mini-boss for the Bow, solve some arrow-related puzzles, then fight the boss, [Oeilga], a boulder that has been possessed by the giant Ghini. The old man turns out to be someone who wanted to help rebuild Kakariko, and when you return to the surface, there are people repairing the buildings. Kei says that you didn't find any clues in the future after all, so you return to the past. Kei remembers that you left your sword with Smithy, so go back to him. He'll tell you that he can reforge it, but he'll need the tip and ore from the Goron Quarry. Kei tells Link that she didn't see the tip in the jungle ruins when she went back there, but that they can worry about that later. Smithy will give you the broken sword, and take back the iron sword. When you try to leave town, Gorman will demand the rest of what you owe him, if you haven't paid him off yet. If you have enough, he'll take it and leave. If you don't, he'll tell you to make money at the game center or to sell things to Beedle, who now carries a boomerang in his shop. If you got all of the treasure in the Lon Lon Wastes and Kakariko Ruins, you'll have more thn enough to pay him. Make your way through the Liboso Prairie and you'll find a Goron, who tells you that the entrance to the Goron Quarry has been blocked by huge boulders, too big for even Gorons to break. Talking to other Gorons, you'll learn that the quarry was sealed by some kind of big blue monster, and that it locked someone inside. Upon climbing Death Mountain you'll find Gorman on another plot of land. He'll offer to sell it to you, but won't be forceful about it. Buy the land, then go into Goron City.)

Goron Quarry and Biggoron's Big Belly

"That Biggoron... of course he has a stomach ache, he always eats his food whole!"

Speak to the Goron Elder, and he'll tell you that the only one able to
move rocks that big is Biggoron. Unfortunately, Biggoron has a stomach
ache, and a batch of Goron stomach medicine would take years to make.
There's other stuff to do in Goron City, but it's all optional. Leave the city,
and you'll find Mutoh by the plot of land. He says that he heard from Gorman
that you had bought it, and asks if you want anything built. He WILL charge
for his services this time. Show him the blueprint and go back into the city,
and when you come back out the shrine will be finished. Upon arriving in the
future, you discover the route to the Goron Quarry passable; however, Goron
City is closed off, and Death Mountain is covered in Dodongos. Inside the
quarry's mine, you find enemies and puzzles that have already been solved.
Eventually, you find a Magic Lantern that allows you to light torches and solve
a puzzle leading to a miniboss.

Magic Lantern
"This lantern can burn forever without ever running out
of fuel, though nobody knows whether it's the lantern or the
fire that's magic. Equip it and press C to ignite nearby objects."

In order to defeat it, you have to make it eat the lantern, then lure it into Bomb
Flowers, at which point it will take damage and spit the lantern out. When
you defeat it, the lantern is lost with it, but you are rewarded with the [Power
Robe] and a portal back to the surface.

[Power Robe]
"This robe was a gift from the Gorons to the Hylians in
times past. Equip it and press C to turn into a stone statue."

Using the [Power Robe], you're able to get into Goron City, where you find
the few surviving Gorons and a huge batch of Goron stomach medicine.

Goron Medicine
"This is a super-sized dosage of Goron stomach medicine,
in a super-sized squeeze bottle. As tempting as squirting
it may seem, it would be best not to waste any."

Returning to the past, you give the stomach medicine to Biggoron, who asks
you to bring him a big tasty rock to eat, as the medicine's directions say
to take it with food, and says he'll take a nap until you return. Use the
[Power Robe], and Biggoron will smell the rock (you) in front of him, and eat
both you and the medicine bottle whole. Inside Biggoron's stomach, you get
the medicine back, and are now able to squirt it out.

Goron Medicine
"This is a super-sized dosage of Goron stomach medicine,
in a super-sized squeeze bottle. Equip it and press C to
squirt the medicine out."

The medicine can heal inflamed 'doors' and 'switches', kill enemies, and is
needed to defeat the mini-boss, at which point it will run out. All that remains
in the mini-bossroom is a 'switch', which when attacked will cause Biggoron
to cough you up. Biggoron, feeling better, will destroy the rocks blocking the
path to the quarry, and you'll finally be able to enter the bulk of the dungeon,
which is filled with puzzles that require the [Power Robe] to solve. You'll
eventually get the key to the boss room.

Boss - Demi-Octo
Gigantic red Octorok that spits out normal-sized Octoroks.
When it begins spinning around the room, put yourself in its
path and equip the [Power Robe], turning to stone. When
Demi-Octo slams into you, the impact will knock it out,
exposing the blue crystal on the bottom of it's tongue.
Attack the crystal until Demi-Octo wakes up, and repeat
the process. After doing this a few times, Demi-Octo
will launch it's second phase, which I haven't decided
on yet.

After defeating the boss, you find that the person Ganon locked in the
mine was actually Ruka, princess of the Zora people, who thanks you for
saving her and gives you the Zora's Emblem. She says that she will find
a way to repay you if you're ever in the Zora's Domain area, and leaves.

Zora's Emblem
"A badge with the symbol of the Zora people. This shows
your connection to the Zora royal family! Equip it and press
C to show it off."

...and that's all I have so far. Obviously, every area would have a lot more to do than I've detailed, so it will be more interesting than I'm probably making it sound. There are a few rough areas, but.. I'm working on it. After the Goron Quarry are events at Lake Hylia and Zora's Domain, which is upriver and not on the map. Also, from this point on while you're in the future you'll get letters from the people of Kakariko. They're done rebuilding the windmill, but in order to live there they need to use the windmill to make flour, and to make flour they need wheat, and to grow wheat they need water flowing through the Lon Lon Wastes (the section of the river flowing from the east has dried up, a hint that something's wrong at Zora's Domain). Once there are people living in Kakariko, you can teach them the skills you learned at the temp agency. Oh, and I think I forgot to mention it, but any time you enter a new area in the past, Tingle will try to sell you a map of the area.

I think that's all I have to say for now.

Just a Friday

Sat, 28 Jun 2008 07:05:42 GMT

Super Smash Bros. Brawl was recently released in PAL territories, so I'm going to be playing with my oft-tormented (by me) Australian friend, "Mike", a lot. In fact, I'm waiting for him to log on right now.

My newest injury, "bloody hole in foot", is unrelated to yesterday's mysteriously bleeding toe. I guess it's true what they say... when you start recording your injuries, you start noticing just how many you get. Well, nobody actually says that.. and it probably only applies to me... Either way, this is clearly The Almighty's revenge for stating that I had no injury the other day. "No injury? C'mere, you..."

Or maybe I'm just stupid. Today I did some yard work, and while using The Lawn Devastator, I managed to find a pointed pebble, which was flung directly into my right heel. I know, I know, I should have been wearing shoes. If it makes you feel any better, I wasn't wearing eye protection, either.

Shae's feet were blistered and hurting from worn out tennis shoes, so we didn't go to the gym today. I was happy, as that meant more time to earn money on ChaCha... but I ended up doing other things. Actually, between that, the yard work, playing Brawl, and sweeping/mopping the main area of the house, I didn't get to be a search engine very much at all... but much to my surprise, I somehow managed to make $18.40! If you'll recall, I made $20.00 yesterday, during which I spent over twice the time ChaCha'ing. It took me a while to realize it, but the reason that I was able to make that much is because... it's Friday!! On the weekends, ChaCha gets a huge volume of questions, so you can earn money a lot faster.

Oh, "Mike" just showed up in Brawl, gotta go!

Being a Search Engine

Fri, 27 Jun 2008 07:06:26 GMT

I think it's about time to explain the whole search engine thing. I'm actually doing it right now, AND watching The Colbert Report, so this is going to take me a while. You, however, won't notice a difference, as you're not reading this live. If you ARE reading this live, please get out of my head, and don't open the gray cabinet.

So, what is it? What am I talking about? What's all this nonsense about becoming a search engine? The answer is ChaCha. ChaCha is kind of like a text message search engine. You ask a question via text message, phone, or on ChaCha.com, and within a few minutes you'll get an answer in the form of a text message. You can ask anything you want... just don't expect them to tell you how to make bombs. Oh, and did I mention it's free?

A friend of mine, who had recently started working for ChaCha, told me about it at the beginning of June. See, ChaCha has actual people, known as Guides for some reason (though, I can't think of a better name myself), doing the searching and answering the questions. To become a Guide, you just have to fill out some forms, give them the kind of information you'd give any job, pass a few tests meant to check your ability to look up answers, and you're in!

ChaCha Guides are paid twenty cents ($0.20) for every question they answer, which is one hundred dollars for every five hundred questions answered. The more dedicated to answering you are, the more you earn. Last week's top Guide answered around 1600 questions, earning over $320.00 (notice how I don't type out the bigger numbers? Huh). They don't do any of the tax stuff for you, though, so you're responsible for the taxes on every penny you make.

You're given two options for payment- you can either open a checking account with the First Internet Bank of Indiana, which ChaCha is affiliated with, and with the click of a button have all of the money in your ChaCha account (minus two dollar transaction fee) instantly deposited. The other option is to have the money directly deposited into your own bank account ever month, which has no transaction fee but requires you to have at least one hundred dollars in your ChaCha account.

ChaCha also has a great referral plan. If you refer a new Guide, for everything they make, ChaCh will give you ten percent! So while that's only two cents per twenty cent question they answer, it's a free ten dollars for every hundred they make. In the example of the top Guide listed above, whoever referred her got $32.00 in one week, and they didn't even have to do anything! You can have up to twenty minions earning pennies for you, and I just got my first one in Shae's friend Heather the other day. She's made me $1.62 already... that's almost enough for a funds transfer!

I have my preferred categories set to video games, consumer electronics, humor, language, etc., but I think the system must either be broken or hate me, because I get A LOT of questions of a sexual nature. I wouldn't say the majority of them are, but I get more of those than of any other one category.

How the system works is, when it receives a query it looks for keywords in the text, and then sends it to a few random Guides who are currently available. The first to respond gets to answer. Queries with no keywords in them are just sent to random guides. Once you accept the query (I typed that as 'quest' twice before getting it right, heh), you're shown what's being asked, and have ten minutes to research, secure a link to give to the InfoSeeker (the person who's asking the question.. and a way cooler term than Guide), and write an answer. On average, from getting the question to sending out the answer takes about two minutes.

Logs of every question an InfoSeeker has asked are kept, which really helps when you get a question like "the one in manhattan" that is obviously in response to something another Guide said. Below are some questions that I may or may not have gotten tonight. (I'm working for them on as an independent contractor and am under no liability to keep information from the InfoSeeker private, right? Right??)

Original Query: what is the square route of pi
Answer: The square root of Pi lies between 1.75 and 1.78125. Since Pi is irrational we can never get an exact answer.

I wish I could have given a longer answer, but we're only given 160 characters in which to write our responses, since they're text messages and all.

Original Query: Who is Andy Lucas King
Answer: I'm unable to find any information on Andy Lucas King. Does he live in Carmel, Indiana?

I get this a lot. People asking who some random person is... Ugh. They're usually minors, who have never done anything remarkable and don't have a MySpace page, so there's never any information on them. I got the "Carmel, Indiana" from this person's history, which lists a (usually wrong) presumed location. Oh, and I changed the person's name, just because you don't need to know it.

Original Query: Sory its 25 cent man
Answer: Huh, guess that's the price for them actually being bothered to pour water. Well, what can you do? Thanks for asking ChaCha!

This is an instance of having to check their history. From the question, there's no way of telling what he means, but looking as his history I can see that he was asking how much a glass of water costs at Dairy Queen. The other Guide said that it was probably free.

Original Query: Do u have boobs If so wat size
Answer: Well, I'm male, so any chest fat I do have, you probably wouldn't be very interested in. Thanks for asking ChaCha!

...Yeah...

Original Query: Why is alex being mean
Answer: Hmm, I don't know. Maybe you should consult Alex on this matter! If you have any other questions, just ask ChaCha!

This is another common one... personal questions that can only be answered in the most useless ways possible. Well, at least they don't require any research.

Original Query: Can eating too much sugar cause heartburn
Answer: Too much of any food can give you heartburn, as can foods high in fats and oils. If you have any other questions, just ask ChaCha!

This is my favorite kind of question. You get to help someone, you learn something, AND you earn money!

Original Query: No thank you
Answer: Okay then! If you have any other questions, at any time, just ask ChaCha! Good night!

Another common one, someone either thanking you (well, they're thanking the last Guide, but surely thanks aimed at you have gone to someone else, right? It balances out) or saying that they don't need any further information. All you have to do is type in your little "keep using ChaCha, we want your money!" message, and you get a free twenty cents.

Original Query: What is a fog horn in sexual terms
Answer: A "fog horn" is when you flatulate when someone is performing analingus on you. If you have any other questions, just ask ChaCha!

These are the ones that I really don't like... having to look up and explain sexual slang. Urban Dictionary is a huge help, but still, this is stuff I didn't need to know.

Original Query: Im playing scrabble and need words with the letters S T O M A S V BaBy GiRl
Answer: The longest word you can make with the letters S T O M A S V is "stomas", the plural of "stoma". So, just save the V for later.

First time I've gotten one like this... why can't they ALL be?! Oh, and that "BaBy GiRl" thing is a text message signature or something. You see them all the time.

Original Query: whats the biggest penis
Answer: The largest human penis on record was measured by Dr. Robert L. Dickinson in the early 1900's, and was 13.5" long, 6.25" around.

I get this question several times a day, though I didn't get it while writing this post. Yes, this is a fabrication... and the entire answer I gave is from memory. I've been unable to find out who the person attached to that penis was... which speaks volumes.

Other common ones during the daytime are asking the addresses/phone numbers for businesses, usually restaurants, the score of sports games (usually baseball, as it's that season), show times for movies in local theaters, how many calories are in a fast food item, etc. Since one of my preferred categories is ChaCha Customer Service, I also get asked how much I get paid, and similar easy-to-answer, nothing-to-research questions. I'd like to end this post with the most bizarre question I've ever gotten.

Original Query: If a human is drowning is it true that the body will attempt to breath through every orface on the body Including the anus

It's annoying to be asked to predict the future, of if the InfoSeeker would be happier going out with Merrick or Daniel, but getting questions like that makes it all worth it. Go forward, you brave little psychopath.

PS - I went for two miles on the gym treadmill today, and for some reason found resisting the urge to run difficult. I then went four miles over an Alpine pass made of red LEDs. It's been so long, I forgot how great working out feels! Oh, and as for the injury... When I got home from the gym, I noticed there was blood on my sock. Apparently, my smallest left toe, which in the past has been brutally smashed, broken and shattered seven times, was bleeding. Mysterious! Oh yeah, I almost forgot to mention how much I made doing ChaCha today. Since I woke up late and went to the gym I didn't answer as many questions as I could have, but I did manage to go from last night's stopping point of $325.82 to tonight's of $345.82, somehow managing to make exactly twenty dollars.

Being a Search Engine... is not what this post is about

Thu, 26 Jun 2008 06:49:36 GMT

My birthday was great. My parents got me Wii Fit (though it's not here yet), and Shae got me these cool etched glasses, one with a Super Mushroom, the other with the crest of the royal family of Hyrule. I have them on my Mario and Zelda shelves, respectively, but I'm afraid that they could break, given that I injure myself on those shelves more than anything else in my room. Speaking of injuries, my knee is almost healed! It still does a zombie flesh impersonation in the shower, so I don't want to risk swimming yet, but I'm close! A friend of mine, who we'll call Toshi, got me the Wii Virtual Console game Neutopia II for my birthday... great, now I have to finish playing the first one!

I don't have any injuries that come to mind... I have plenty of scabs, but those are previous injuries. My body is currently in a state of peace, its war with the world on hold. We'll see how long it lasts.

Shae and I went to the gym tonight.. I went 2.21 miles on the treadmill, and 2.26 on the... the.. stationary bike thing. I forget the name Shae used for it, but it gives you a serious cardio workout. It may have been on a tiny display made up of red LEDs, but I have biked through an Alpine pass, and I enjoyed it. I'm not sure why my legs aren't sore from walking for forty minutes and biking mostly uphill for twenty more, but if I'm lucky that will change after a good night's sleep.

I've made over three hundred dollars by being a search engine, and I now have a minion whose efforts get me free money! I'm not going to go into detail here, though. The explanation may come tomorrow, it may come next week. Whenever I'm up to writing a post of that size.

Well, I can barely keep my eyes open, and every time I reach for t I somehow hit 5, so I should sleep now. Until next time!

Knee Injury

Sun, 22 Jun 2008 22:49:59 GMT

Ugh. I just woke up (it's 3:50 p.m.) to find that my biceps feel like they're made of lead (from the arm-exercising-machine) and that I'm a little sick (from licking every surface in the men's locker room). The fact that it's an overcast day almost definitely contributed to my sleeping for so long... rainy days always make me tired. The rain is seriously coming down now... we're in the middle of a huge thunderstorm, and the pool will probably overflow.

My arms are so sore... there's no position in which they don't hurt, and moving them from my sides (even to type) makes them feel like.. well, like they're in a lot of pain and I'm stretching them. The fact that I'm writing a journal entry while acting as a search engine doesn't help, either. I really am going to explain the search engine thing, eventually. Today, though, I'll be explaining my knee injury. The full story, along with gruesome-ish pictures, are behind the cut.

At the beginning of June, my friend Hoshi came down for a week-long visit. On her last day here, we went out boating on the Silver River. Afterward, as I was securing the boat to its trailer, BAM! I slipped on some algae or moss in the water and fell. I was irritated and a little panicky.. my camera and wallet were in my pockets! I tried and failed to stand up a few times due to the algae/moss, but finally managed to stand amidst shouts from my dad. He was saying to get out of the water, to wrap it up quick. I was confused, until he told me to look at my leg and I saw that it was covered in blood. It was weird, because the only pain I felt was in my tailbone from landing on it. I handed my camera and wallet to Hoshi (both were miraculously dry, despite my pants being completely soaked), and wrapped my shirt around my left knee. Luckily, the blood was only from breaking the skin, and it had all disappeared in a matter of minutes.

It wasn't very big, but it was fairly deep... and yes, that is fat you see. We hurried home to assess if it was something that needed medical attention.. which in retrospect, should have been obvious. We bandaged my knee, then went off to the emergency room. We were there for nearly three hours, most of it spend waiting. It was over two hours before they decided to clean the wound, and they never asked if I was in any pain... though they didn't really have to, as I was goofing off and taking pictures the entire time.

I got a tetanus shot, eventually a doctor did come, and in the process of squirting saline all throughout the hole in my knee sent globules of fat everywhere... lovely. I ended up getting five extra-strength stitches, as the wound wasn't very big and it was on a joint. Can you spot the loose fat in the picture below?

These little guys were everywhere! All (or most) of them were removed, I got a new bandage, and was sent on my way. At no point did my knee hurt... but man, was I sore from that tetanus shot. Even two weeks later, the area is hard and sore. Actually, my knee did hurt that day... later that night, Hoshi kept accidentally bumping/putting her foot on my knee, and touching/leaning on the shoulder that got the shot.

So, what was it that caused all this? As it turns out, when I slipped in the water, my legs went under the trailer I was securing the boat to, and my left knee was impaled on a galvanized steel bolt on the tailer's underside. After getting home from the "emergency" room, I went out to take a picture of the bolt, and found it like this. Sorry that the background is in focus, but because of my knee I was unable to bend over.

You can't really tell, but what you're looking at is the bolt, covered in my fat and... fire ants, eating my fat. Yeah, it's gross, but can you blame them? Those things have been trying to get a good taste of me for years!

It's been two weeks since then, and my knee has healed up nicely. At one point the stitches migrated and dug in too far, but it turned out okay. I filmed the removal of my stitches, and may put it on YouTube.

Where do they think they're going?

Right after removing the stitches.

Taken two minutes ago. Lookin' good!

It eventually did start to hurt after a few days, but only when I stood on it for too long or had my knee bent. As evidenced by my spending forty-two minutes on a treadmill yesterday, the pain isn't really a problem anymore.

</lj>

Though now, I have my painful lead biceps to deal with. Oh, and a snake bite. Did I mention the snake bite? I was bitten by a small, non-venomous snake the other day, but it didn't leave a big mark and it doesn't hurt, so it's not really noteworthy. The next day I did step in a fire ant hill barefoot, though. I'm lucky like that. Oh, and fire ant stings REALLY REALLY ITCH.

I think that's about enough for now. Because of my search engine duties, it's taken HOURS to write this... it's now 6:43! Oh, before I end this entry, maybe I should mention.. tomorrow's my twenty-second birthday! Whoo! ..Wait, is that the same as rolling a double? Do I have to go to jail, go directly to jail, without passing GO, and without collecting two hundred dollars?

First day at the gym

Sun, 22 Jun 2008 07:33:36 GMT

Right, so, journal entries. Going to be a challenge, remembering to do this...

I intended to write entries about becoming a search engine and injuring my knee before this one, but today was my first day working out at my new gym, so what better time to talk about it? Our story begins in early may, when I offhandedly mentioned to my sister Shae that I eventually planned to join a local gym. She was interested, but didn't think she would be able to exercise on a regular basis without someone to motivate her. She kind of has trouble sticking with that kind of thing... she owns a Gazelle exercise machine and a bass guitar, both of which she's spent less time using than our toaster oven.

Anyway, we finished talking about exercise, and that was that... until Thursday, when she emailed me a link to the site of a local gym chain called Too Your Health. She wanted to join the very next day. This was way earlier than I had planned on going, but she seemed excited about it, and knowing her exuberance wouldn't last, I caved in. So Friday afternoon we went down, got gym memberships, then went shopping for workout clothes. For her, not me... I the "always prepared" type, so I was already set. That evening we went in for a workout. I did about one hundred and thirty reps on the weight-lifting-arm-exercise machines, then right as I got on a treadmill an employee told us they were closing. Shae had mistaken the business hours of the gym we were at with one of the other locations... d'oh. After getting home, I turned into a search engine for a few hours, then went to bed. I'm not sure what I did, but I somehow managed to hurt my right elbow while sleeping. I think I had my arm extended (to accommodate my cat) for too long or something.

In the morning, Shae and I went back to the gym to work out. I went two miles on the treadmills, then did eighty or so reps on my favorite arm machine from last night. As a result, my left knee and right elbow really hurt.. bah. It turned out that Shae only wanted to exercise for an hour, so my workout was cut short. When we got home, I taught Shae how to make fried rice, which we had for lunch, and then I turned into a search engine for the rest of the day, up to right before I started writing this entry. My arms are a bit sore from the machines, but the reason my mood is set to 'exhausted' is because as of writing this, it's exactly 3:30 a.m.

So, with that, I bid you good night. Because I know that you're all reading this at nighttime. That's just how the kind of people who use LiveJournal (LiVEJOURNAL?) work.

Let's Get Minty

Sat, 21 Jun 2008 06:44:48 GMT

Testing, testing... one, two.. check, check... Is this thing on?

WOW, has it been a long time since I've posted here. Almost two years! So, why am I posting now? Not much more is happening in my life than in the last two years, but some of the things that have happened in the last month or so are interesting. For example, I got a job as a search engine! Yes! I am now a search engine! I also injured my knee in a way that prevents me from running, jumping, and swimming! Yes! I am now a stiff-legged toy soldier! There are other things, but everything will get its own entry whenever I get around to it.

You know, this color scheme really isn't all that minty.. maybe I'll change that "Minty Gamer Goodness" thing up there. I'm not even certain what you're supposed to write there. That will come later, though... it took nearly an hour to get this journal looking right, and I need to get to sleep. I'm going to the gym early tomorrow, if I'm able to wake up. Oh yeah, that's another thing... I've joined a gym. More on that later, though. Now is time for the sleeping.

Oh, one last thing... no, you're not mistaken, I've replaced the 'location' thing with 'injury'. You may be thinking to yourself, "who would need a 'current injury' display?". If you are, you clearly don't know me that well. What are you even doing here?

...Whoo! Knee Street!

Wed, 05 Jul 2006 03:12:59 GMT

The Comic

Thursday's comic was page 294, Congrats to the Winner!

The Script

Script 194: Congrats to the Winner!
Urania's got the top three tournament competitors on the stand with her.
Urania: Up here we have our winners!
Yaota is patiently awaiting the grand prize, Ameixia says
(^_^;), "Yay me." while Lynn has a shuriken behind her back, attempting to
take aim at ASK, who's also up on the stand. She thinks, "No, not here,
not with so many watching..."
Urania(points at the runners-up): Our two runners-up still get untold
wealth and fame heaped upon them...
Some big guards dump bags of gold and stuff on Lynn and Ameixia.
Urania: While Yaota, the winner, can now claim the grand prize!
Some of the losers from the competiton shout boos and jeers.
Urania(angrily points at them): Hey! You saw how she did! SHE WHOOPED
ALL YOUR BUTTERY LITTLE KEISTERS, SO SHOW SOME RESPECT!

The Comic

Yesterday's comic was page 295, The Bunny Strikes Back.

The Script

Script 195: The Bunny Strikes Back
Urania, with some guards, is escorting the winners to the prize area.
Urania(talking to Yaota): This way to the prize area. It's
all yours, barring some random cataclysmic event--
*WHAM!* A big bunny's foot slams in front of them, blocking their way.
Zoom out and it's already smashed a big chunk of the pyramid and jungle.
Back close, their reactions...
Yaota: ...
Ameixia(o_O): That is one BIG bunny!
Lynn(sword drawn)
Urania(>_<): Crap, it's back.

I made some minor changes to the scripts, as I tend to do, but they were generally approved by Ben, as they usually are.

Wed, 28 Jun 2006 02:44:19 GMT

A few months ago, when Ben and I were planning out this part of the story, Ben was trying to figure out the best way to say sayonara to Plot Device and D.E. Machina, the characters created to add dialogue to the otherwise stale Great Tournament. The scene I suggested (most of our plotting is in the form of character interraction, basically playing out possible scripts) made it into the comic more or less verbatim.

The Comic

Today's comic is page 293, Delusions of Fame.

The Script

Script 193: Delusions of Fame
During the Awards Ceremony...
Machina: And now another tournament comes to a close.
Device: I must say, it was a rather--
Urania: ...? Hey!
Machine and Device(!)
Urania: Who were you talking to?
Machina(sweatdrop): Er.. Eh heh..
Device: Just clearing our throats, Chieftan!
Urania: Get back to the kitchens! >_<

I plan on writing reviews for the games Trace Memory and Chibi-Robo, and possibly Pokèmon Colosseum. Whether or not anything will be written tonight depends largely on how addictive Ultimate Spiderman turns out to be.

Chesu On: Ultimate Spiderman

Chesu says:
For some reason, I failed to glean from the title that the game is set in the Marvel Ultimates universe

Chesu says:
Chesu: (Staring at Johnny Storm) ._.?

Benjamin A. Oliver says:
XD

Chesu On: Problem Solving

Chesu: ...We have a problem
Toshi: huh?
Chesu: By 'we', I mean it's my problem and you're going to fix it
Chesu: e_e
Toshi: >.>

Wed, 28 Jun 2006 00:59:25 GMT

Nyaaaa....su. I really need to keep this thing updated. Maybe, you know, post things other than the sprite comic.

The Comic

Today's comic is page 292, It Begins... Again!

The Script

Script 192: It Begins... Again!
Iolanthe's looking down, teary-eyed and sad. Urania's nearby.
Iolanthe(;_;): I... I lost!
Urania: It's fine, you'll find someone new.
Iolanthe(;_;): No, no one could ever replace him...
Tacticus, Laios, and Lynn walk by.
Laios(;_;)
Tacticus(slaps a fist into his palm): We could beat up the guards and
bust 'em outta here! Whaddaya say, Cap'n?
Iolanthe(heart-eyes): He... he reminds me of...
(Close-up of a horizontal Tacticus)
Tacticus: (?!)
(Pan out to show Iolanthe running through the countryside/barren plains,
her legs a circular blur)
Iolanthe: MWAHAHAAA!!!
Tacticus(being carried off by Iolanthe): Hah, I love Jupiter! Even the
kids are tough!

I kept messing up on this one... First, I layed down the wrong Urania sprite- editing out the hat wasn't too hard, though. Then, I used the wrong Laios sprite. After that, I used the wrong Lynn sprite.

I REALLY need to focus more...

Oh, and after I finish tonight's comic, hopefully I'll post some game reviews!

Ah, I also forgot to mention... I turned twenty on Friday! Whee! :D

SPAM

Fri, 23 Jun 2006 01:35:19 GMT

I've been getting some... Well, *interesting* junk mail lately. Spammers try to get around spam blockers any way they can, and a method of breaking up words has been gaining populatiry lately. Some of them are kind of interesting, so I've decided to create...

IT CAME FROM THE INBOX!!

Subject: Fwd: ..
Date: 6/15/2006 8:15:16 P.M. Central Standard Time
From: JKMSOQDCWZB@envisionemi.com
To: chesukwon@aol.com

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Clisk here: http://claudebiwer.com

Hmm... Chesukwon@aol.com? How did this even find me?

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Date: 6/15/2006 11:40:45 P.M. Central Standard Time
From: osx2uie@ltnet.cz
Reply To:
To: chesumon@aol.com

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Gasp! They know that I'm vigilante and international superstar Terri Tabor! My secret identity has been leaked!! ..I knew I shouldn't have applied for the Super Friends newsletter... >_>

Subject: Addresse terri tabor below 5.7%
Date: 6/22/2006 4:21:43 P.M. Central Standard Time
From: qtiqk4a@EUnet.yu
To: chesumon@aol.com

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AHA! So it's Burl, commander of the sinister EUnet organization, who has been spamming me! He plans on sending his subordinates to re-con firm my infom ation, does he? Well, we'll see about that... Mweheheh...

Fri, 16 Jun 2006 06:11:10 GMT

Been forever and a half since I made an entry... I've never been good at keeping to a routine like this. Ah, well. You may have notice a major lack in comics... Mainly a combination of Ben looking for a job and me not looking for a job. I've actually been sick recently. Anyway, finally have a comic to present!

The Comic

Today's comic is page 290, Ameixia's Reaction.

The Script

Script 190: Ameixia's Reaction
Ameixia looks at the score boards for some of the events. She's below Yaota.
Ameixia: Hmm. I never thought I'd do THIS well on my first try.
Atop a nearby pedestal, Urania (sans flower), announces...
Urania: The results are in! Remember, only the winner gets the grand prize!
Ameixia(>_<): But it's still not good enough.
ASK gets carted by in his cage by a few tough Jovian soldiers.
Ameixia: Sorry, I didn't win!
ASK: Meh, don't worry about it. We'll figure something else out.